I never lost anything in my life only till....
When I first stepped into the United States, I was all proud,eager and ecstatic to start my MS but little did I knew that my enthusiasm would end so soon. What was I going to lose? I didn't realize..During the past 2 years, I kept imagining that there is something more challenging and worth ahead buried in the time. In the initial days of my grad school, it was fun(no way near to UG in India though) under the veil of stress and discomfort. If there was anything interesting to do, then it was threaded to serious consequences if anything went wrong.As 15 months passed into the education, I finished my course work confident of having lost what I learned in UG. O yea..I learned how to make presentations and prepare reports using Microsoft' Word and Powerpoint applications...My mind started failing to distinguish nights from mornings.My body longed desperately for some good food..good food = mom's food..but no one heard its agony including myself.Why? Because I decided this falls into the long list of "could lose" things to gain something which was thought to be more important to my career.what did I lose? I didn't realize..Then came this Global Recession. It not only changed people's lives but also established a new 'normal' limit. So, what did I do? Nothing.Waited,waited and waited.......and waited......for what? For something more passionate this time..what did I lose? I didn't realize..Time flied and I was no longer the pilot. Life is short and I was wasting time on an inexplicable scale...All I did was to call people back home.Every time their phone rang, they were happy as well as scared..I still continued my wild goose chase. My closest of relatives passed away. What did I do? I called and said that I am feeling sorry about it. Thats all I could do?? YES,THATS ALL...I couldn't talk to the people who taught me so many things before they left this world forever.I missed my friends' happiest moments, couldn't share their sorrow. I stayed in oblivion of the important things that happened in the lives of the people who helped me when I needed them. Of course, "it is worth the promising future.Isn't it?" I asked myself. I didn't get any reply but I took the reply I wanted.In the nights, when I tried to sleep, the reminiscences of my mom sitting by my side and wishing me good night lingered till the days's stress forced me to slip off into my sleep. I slept but my mind never did.what did I lose? I didn't realize..I can't go out for a mid-night ice cream.I cant wake up when I want.I can't sit with my sis for a dinner to congratulate her on her success. I can't help my father in any way where in he made me what I am now. I can't kiss my girlfriend in person on her birthday. what did I lose? I didn't realize..I now can't eat good food(the ultimate goal of any living organism living on this planet), no people to talk to, no love...Is it worth? O yea..it should be !....Its not about losing materialistic pleasures. Its about losing freedom.With no one to pat your back when u lose, with no one to feel happy when you win, with no one to lean on, with no one to lean on your shoulder, with no one to fight with, life has become dull,inspid and grey.Is it worth? No is the answer this time.Others notice if you win but only you know if you lose and what you have lost.I have finally realized what I lost. My conscience is no longer heard by me.I lost my happiness,my freedom,my identity and myself in search of tomorrow and yet I say I am rocking here in the United States to my friends who call me. I am yet to start the long procedure of finding myself again. Today is a gift, thats why its called Present. Live it.
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